Comments on AUDREY AND THE BAD APPLES: Home, home on the Grange

A group of us got together to get some friends of ...

2008-05-04T19:32:00.000+09:30

A group of us got together to get some friends of ours two bottles of grange as a wedding present (in the 80s, when they were expensive, but not ridiculous).

As we were walking towards the reception, another friend offered to carry the mystery parcel, and in the transfer, it was dropped. One bottle smashed to the ground. There was some talk of licking the pavement... but in the end we just sadly watched the liquid roll down the footpath...

Although not quite in the same league as Grange, I...

2008-05-02T10:58:00.000+09:30

Although not quite in the same league as Grange, I do have a bad wine abuse story.

Back in my community-minded days I was a volunteer with Apex in Port Augusta. We were given the task of organising the Christmas party for the staff of the local prison and their budget was considerable to say the least. Anyhoo, it was my job to tend the bar after the booze had been purchased and we were given a shopping list, which in summary read "enough beer to possibly act as ballast for a super tanker should the need arise and one 'really good bottle of red'." Pretty specific I think.

The really good bottle of red from memory came in a wooden case and cost about $70 or $80. It was for the exclusive sipping of one staff member.

As the night progressed the owner of this bottle approached the bar and asked me to "crack the red darl", so I removed the cork and poured her a small glass only to be met by the kind of glare that people give dirty strangers found talking to their children.

She leans over the bar in disgust, grabs a tumbler, one of those jam jar free ones, fills it with ice and pours herself a serve fit for Liz Taylor on a Mandrax bender and then stuffs the bottle in the ice trough with the rest of the beer.

"Leave it in there this time mate, it's bloody well supposed to be cold."
I was flabbergasted. End communication.

Auds, you really should slurp the stuff at least o...

2008-05-02T10:08:00.000+09:30

Auds, you really should slurp the stuff at least once in your life.

We lived in Darwin for a few years and a bottle of Grange was up there for around $100. That was (and still is!) a fortune for us, but I bought Love Chunks a bottle anyhow. The shopkeeper reckoned he just couldn't sell it, as his normal customers preferred casks and slabs but Penfolds allot the bottles according to what other of their range have been sold in shops.

We drank it at our tenth wedding anniversary and it was divine. Yes yes, it could have been the occasion, the food, the new rocks on my finger but I'll never forget it.

Oh to have metropolitan radio access. My Grange ta...

2008-05-01T20:28:00.000+09:30

Oh to have metropolitan radio access. My Grange tale:

In one of my many God-forsaken past relationships, I dated a habitual womaniser whose most treasured possession in life was his collection of Grange.

He went out one night after one of our usual arguments (forgive me, I was just a young thing), which involved me crying: "You're always with your mates. Whe can't you just spend some time with me?"

Yeah, yeah, I was young and stupid.

But, not that stupid, as you shall see.

While he was out, his ex rocked up and took great pleasure in telling me how the two of them had been cheating together for some time.

I was distraught. I needed a drink. There was naught to drink but the tantalising dozen of Grange.

There was no bottle opener. But there was a sieve.

I smashed the bottle necks upon the sink and sifted the remnants of broken glass.

I drank two of them and poured the rest down the garbage disposal.

Despite my lacerated tongue, it was truly an enjoyable experience that was worth more to me at the time than any currency or market value could emulate.

That is the end of my story.

P.S. I'll be in Adelaide for five days in June. Send me your number. I don't have it anymore. x

We got most of the way through a bottle of Grange ...

2008-05-01T15:49:00.000+09:30

We got most of the way through a bottle of Grange my Dad had been keeping for a VERY LONG TIME at my recent significant milestone birthday. My mother, bless her soul, can't abide mess, so while we were off chatting came around and 'tidied up' the half full glasses of Grange - down the sink. Brings a tear to my eye still.