Wayne-ker

Fuck. Off.

WAYNE Carey has embarked on a challenging, confronting journey of discovery. It is a trip to previously unexplored territory - his inner self.

The Gold Coast-based AFL great is seeing specialists in the field of emotional fitness as he tries to build a new life and win respect as a person.

I asked the footy legend if he had been reduced to tears, and he flippantly replied: "I cry all the time."

Rebuked, he said: "I cry. I cried the other day. You're allowed to cry.

"(But) I'm in a happy place right now.

"In saying that, I'm still a work in progress and I've got a long way to go – certainly not sitting here thinking I'm now a perfect human being."

Well thank fudge for that. You know. Considering that not ONCE in this interview does either the paper or Carey mention the fact that he glassed his girlfriend in the fracking face. I would jolly well hope he didn't think he was perfect just because he's squeezed out a few tears now and had his PR agent arrange for some newspapers to find out about it.

He is emerging from a period of scandal and shame that saw him face courts in Miami and Melbourne.

Carey, 37, will be inducted into North Melbourne's Hall of Fame next week and has promised a heartfelt speech to mark his return.

"I left home when I was 13 years of age, then lived with my mum for about a year before I went to Melbourne," Carey says. "From 16-32, North Melbourne were my family."

He left in disgrace seven years ago after an affair with Kellie Stevens, then wife of friend and team-mate Anthony Stevens. His manager Anthony McConville and counsellors agreed it was important for his rehabilitation to reconcile with the club and as many of his old friends as practical.

"We thought it was important to make contact with people at the Kangaroos again – players I'd lost contact with, the club in general," Carey said.

"I'd pushed them away, kept them at arm's length. All for reasons that people on the outside would see as selfish but . . . reasons that I thought were right." Despite the phone calls and text messages, Carey refused the olive branch from everyone other than a few intimates.

"I haven't addressed everything (a veiled reference to Stevens and Glenn Archer, once his staunchest ally), but I think I go back in a much healthier state, much more stable place emotionally."

So.....no more domestically violent outbursts then? Kate's face should be pleased to hear that.

"I think it's important that I talk to you about where I am at, but I think it's important that there are things I have to keep to myself when there's other people affected."

Do you, Carey. Do you really think it's important to talks to us about where you're at? Do you not just think you should, you know, skulk off and disappear like the turd you are? Because frankly, that's what I think it's important you do.

Despite an erratic history of visits to psychologists and doctors, it wasn't until he met emotional fitness specialist Cynthia Morton that Carey was ready to confront his demons.

His emotional rehab has been helped by a major reduction in his alcohol intake.

Can I just say that 'emotional fitness specialist' may very well be a legitimate job, but it's a complete product of the 21st century. I mean, how would you even say that job with a straight face? It's akin to being a dog psychiatrist - so, ironically, in Carey's case Morton may as well be either.

It's all quite obviously a PR stunt. Lay low for awhile Wayno and at the opportune time will bring you back out and harp on about your supposed emotional development and shit. Woman's Day will LOVE IT.

I can't help but think Absolute Power was being remarkably prescient with this episode. Watch how Stephen Fry's PR company handles their comedian client being caught on video viciously beating his five month pregnant wife...

Blasted BBC has banned embedding. Watch the video here.

Also, how brilliant is Absolute Power? Genius.