"Clementine I think it is fair to ask if you are homosexual yourself.
You just seem to be writing from that position. It might just be you have a homosexual friend and are influenced by that line of thought either way your readers are entitled to know if you have any personal position on this. Myself I don't care who you sleep with but if something influences your writing then your readers deserve to be told."
Being a decent human being concerned with the equality and welfare of others is apparently no longer the new black - these days, it's a bit div I suppose.
So in the interests of being transparent, I feel it’s best (and honest) that I come clean: My name is Clementine Ford, and I am on the payroll of the Homosexual Mafia.
In exchange for subliminally encouraging members to join the (same) team, homo gangsters keep me furnished in glitter dust, fairyfloss and comfortable shoes. They even bought me a unicorn.
Her name is Cher.
Shine on, Sis!
ReplyDeleteBut maybe we should take the unicorn off you. The 'subliminally' bit isn't working so well. I mean this guy (and the other one) seem to have picked up on what's going on.
Where can I sign up to join the Homosexual Mafia? I want a unicorn.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know you are.
ReplyDeleteI even said you are.
BUT
WHAT
AM
I?
I have no idea how you respond so maturely and thoughtfully to all of these zany types.
ps. Has anyone been exposed to Robot Chicken? If so, you'll understand why the words 'magical unicorn mayonnaise" are dancing through my mind ...
Dammit, where's my unicorn?!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if other writers are asked if they have a heterosexual friend, because they seem to be "influenced by that line of thought" and that their readers DESERVE to be told... in the same vein that people DESERVE to be told if they're living next to a paedophile.
Pfft.
Actually, I wouldn't mind knowing if i was living next door to a convicted paedophile.
ReplyDeleteI make it a point never to talk to the old wife basher across the way (whose family have long since left him).
I absolutely agree, you should testify before a special panel if you are now or have ever been a gay, or have friends who are the gays.
ReplyDeleteyeah, my point kinda got lost there. What I meant was that he was asking in such a powerful, intensely emotional way that you might expect for a paedophile, blah, blah, blah...
ReplyDeleteALSO, it reminded me of the McCarthy trials and the whole communism thing.
:-D
I see this sort of thing a fair bit from consumers of media. They keep having this strange idea that they "deserve" to be informed of the personal details of the people they see/hear/read about in the media.
ReplyDeleteTo all these sad people, please understand that the media personalities are not your friends, they are not your family, they don't know who you are and don't owe you a goddamn thing.
Right. Thanks for letting me know. I'll wear my protective glasses every time I consume your wordage.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to see Cher in a good home and that you are successfully recruiting for our homosexual army that is planning a military-style coup any day now.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I have no idea how you maintain sanity with this kind of crap coming your way.
I was completely straight until I started reading your column. My mother has cut you out of her will.
ReplyDeleteSome people are such morons!
ReplyDeleteClementine, maybe you should replace Amanda Blair on the radio, then there'll really be some decent stuff to listen to. If you get letters like that via email, then imagine what you could talk about on the airwaves.
where do these people come from?
ReplyDeleteif this guy truly didn't care then why would he ask?
i'm very pro gay rights (like you) but personally am not interested in the same sex.
i don't understand how these people can be so homophobic
That glitter IS kinda hard to refuse...many members of the press have succumbed to such bribery before.
ReplyDeleteI gave it a few days, but I still do not know what this is supposed to mean.
ReplyDelete