Rightwing checklist for letters you may want to send into The Age

My mother chose me over the alternative [emotive headline - check]

I AM not supposed to have an opinion on abortion that counts [passive-aggression - check], because I'm male and a Christian [inbuilt superiority complex - check], but when my mum tells me that I was unexpected and unplanned, it all starts to have a familiar sound to it. [world weary cynicism over degrading morals - check]

I'm the youngest of seven (two didn't survive beyond childhood) [intimation of sacred fragility of human life - check] and the only one born here after my parents migrated from Germany.

My mum has found Australia difficult from day one and I'm thankful she did not consider me inconvenient [heartfelt thanks given for opportunity to live - check] when she found out I was going to arrive after less than a year here [suggestion of moral triumph in the face of a potential burden - check].

I can only shudder at members of the Victorian Government proposing a law that harks back to 1930s German government policies [thinly veiled accusation of evil - check] that effectively removed equal rights [suggestion of fascism - check] to other human beings [line in the sand, there are no such things as foetuses only human beings - check].

If laws such as this existed here 40 years ago [sophisticated subconcious hint that such laws are backwards and medieval - check], it would have put developing humans such as myself [reminder that one knows what one is talking about because one has experienced it - check] at risk simply at the whim [disparagement of 'fanciful' notions like children being a rational impossibility - check] of another human being [judgement of those who've had abortions - check].

I would not have been worthy of equal protection ['where are my civil liberties?' - check] simply because of my total dependence on my mother for a few months [reminder that babies are god's helpless children and in need of protection - check].

My mum knows this kind of philosophy only too well [symbolise struggle against the odds - check].

If I had been aborted, I would not exist [include easily rebuttable but superficially emotive throwaway line about the value of the life you would not know had you been aborted - check].

It's not the mark of a mature human society to remove innate rights, regardless of any other argument that can be built to support such a motion [bring forth moral judgement designed to make practitioners of offensive action hang heads in shame - check].

Germany was a technologically progressive nation back then, but still managed to miss some fundamentals [subtle reminder of specific evil dictators and how they were lacking in humanity and do you want to be the same? - check].

Equal rights means just that, and if some class is somehow excluded, the whole concept is seriously undermined [reminder to the civil libertarians of the poor, defenceless babies they choose to ignore in pursuit of their 'cause' - check].

In fact, if abortion is decriminalised [introduce visions of anarchy, moral decay and loss of soul - check] — effectively the denial of the right to live — equal rights is a myth and a delusion [sneakily argue the philisophocal ramifications for the diehards - check].

And I seriously doubt that the experience will be any different or better for women [demonstrate complete lack of understanding about what pregnancy must be like for some women, and how having something as simple as the law on their side makes a truckload of difference to women struggling the world over, making sure that every syllable of your disregard for their opinion is dripping with superior white christian male arrogance while being completely devoid of evidenciary support, facts or context - check].


Mark Rabich, Mount Evelyn [wanker - check]


Peace out (check)